All right, look if you absolutely have to tell her the truth, at least wait until the timing's right. And that's what deathbeds are for.

Chandler

Ew, ew, ew, ew ew ew ew ew. Ugly Naked Guy got a Thighmaster.

Chandler

I'm not so good with the advice...Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?

Chandler

You know what they say, ask your slippers a question...you're going crazy.

Chandler

You took your eggs and you left. Do you really expect me never to find new eggs?

Chandler

Ding dong, the psycho's gone.

Chandler

...And I'm not sure about this actor guy, because when he left a message and he heard my name "Chandler Bing," he said "Woah! Short message!"

Chandler

Who's number two? One of the more difficult games sewer workers play.

Chandler

You know what's weird? Donald Duck never wore pants. But whenever he's getting out of the shower, he always puts a towel around his waist. I mean, what is that about?

Chandler

It was summer... and it was hot. Rachel was there... A lonely grey couch..."OH LOOK!" cried Ned, and then the kingdom was his forever. The End.

Chandler

No. It's not like Phil Spidermen. He's a spider "man." You know, like Goldmen is a last name but there's no gold man.

Chandler

This must be so hard. "Oh no! Two women love me! They're both gorgeous and sexy! My wallet's too small for my fifties, and my diamond shoes are too tight!"

Chandler

I can handle this. "Handle" is my middle name. Actually, "handle" is the middle of my first name.

Chandler

I don't want my baby's first words to be "How You Doin'?"

Rachel

Who's FICA? Why is he getting all my money?

Rachel

Ross, hi, it's Rachel. I'm just calling to say that um, everything's fine and I'm really happy for you and your cat who, by the way, I think you should name Michael. And, you know, ya see there, I'm thinking of names so obviously, I am over you. I am over you. And that, my friend, is what they call closure.

Rachel

I cannot believe I have to walk down the aisle in front of 200 people looking like something you drink when you're nauseous.

Rachel

You guys, does this look like something the girlfriend of a paleontologist would wear?

Rachel